Keeping it 'Casual'

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  BarberBoss1981

  yesterday

  - No daily texting - No sleep overs - Don't see each other too often - No cute dates - Have a couple of people that you see, not just one If you struggle too much with attachment to men then you could always look at spending time with couples or groups rather than one on one meets. Best of luck x

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  mysterious_soul

  yesterday

  If you start catching feelings but you only want something casual, it’s a sign to pause and create some space. It’s not easy, but giving yourself that distance can save you from a lot of hurt down the line. (speaking from experience)

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  Lostyanumber

  yesterday

  Possibly you could consider not seeing the same person twice in a row.

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  Fuckyousweetness

  yesterday

  Each to there own i guess. I probably don't/shouldn't exclude myself here. I do love (sarcasm) how detached we have become as a species. Build your wall and make it impenetrable but don't forget to include the door so you can venture out once a week /month for those moments of self serving bliss. Dont forget to put up the sign no boys/girls allowed. 💔

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  MsSuperFoxy

  yesterday

  If I start catching stronger feelings for someone in a "lover situation" and they’re clearly not on the same page, I step away and go about my own life. For me, that’s the point where it starts turning into unnecessary head games, and I’m not interested in signing up for that. I’ve worked hard to have stability, freedom, and a healthy space in my life, and I’m not about to trade that for emotional confusion. So rather than hanging around hoping the other person magically changes their mind, saves embarrassing myself, I’d rather recognise it for what it is and move on. Maybe that makes me a bit avoidant, who knows. But protecting my own peace has worked out pretty well so far. BUT don't ask me, I probably dont give good advice. LOL! Ms Foxy

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  Felicitous

  yesterday

  I have realised it's not in my best interest to be casual. Even if I tried to I couldn't. This realisation was incredibly liberating - the above suggestions are definitely the way to create space... If that's really what you want. If being casual 'feels right' However if you're like me - then none of that really works and it left me feeling unfulfilled. Sex without a certain intimacy and shared time is completely redundant for me and I'd rather not partake at all. So certainly try the above - but equally explore the part of you that does develop feelings and why we think that's such a bad thing?! If the above resonates maybe your leanings are more poly.. I think mine are. I adore the person I've been seeing (3 years now) I recently met his beautiful wife platonically and adore her also... And actually I adore (though unmet) hubby's connection. And for all of these different dynamics - I don't shy away from the word love either .... I feel a great love for all these special people that have come into our world and while I know these connections can end at any time..I'm happy to live in this beautiful distillery. There's no ownership or possession.. my other sees others. These's no expectations. We communicate daily - overnight fortnightly.. actually do all the things above 'we shouldn't' and I'm grateful for the expansion and allowing. I don't see others.. why?? Because I don't like casual and I wouldn't have the time nor energy to add anyone else in the way that I'd need to - for me to be vulnerable and to feel special... so for now I'm contented. I'd say not all of us are suited to casual. I want more than a sexual encounter. I want to feel special... I want to also make a difference in their world and I love love... I want to be able to give it and receive it unashamedly. I don't shy away from developing feelings.. I encourage and embrace them ... And because I have them for another man does not detract from those I have for my husband. You being single might develop them for a few different people. Each relationship in its own bubble. I say try it all..try casual if it suits but if not .. deep dive into developing feelings.. doesn't mean anything other than that. It's the way we are fundamentally wired. To connect. Not really the answer to your question you were maybe after ... but I did want to offer an unpopular perspective that developing feelings is wonderfully okay :) All the best V x

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  Tones303420

  yesterday

  Just be yourself xx

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  Sescalinata

  yesterday

  I've always had a good level of affection for my play partners. After all, I'm not going to be intimate with someone I'm totally indifferent to. As long as you keep the handle on what you're signing up for and don't go googling wedding planners 😊. We would still text occasionally and meet for a drink, I don't see anything wrong with that. I suppose I'm old school.

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  seekandplay

  yesterday

  I wrote a response last night and not sure where it’s vanished to, so let me respond again and I’ll add a little more. I share a very similar story to you, also coming out of a 20 year monogamous marriage. For me, the thought of developing feelings for someone is the last thing on my mind right now as this is my chance to finally discover who I am - not as a wife anymore. Not as a mum. Not as someone’s new girlfriend. Me. Sure, I might change my mind one day but I don’t want to have to think of another person right now, so that makes it easy for me to not catch the feels. However, developing deep feelings and building a beautiful connection can be two very different things if you allow them to be. When I first started talking to men here, and would meet them for a play - I left feeling dead inside. I felt gross and wondered if perhaps I wasn’t actually missing out on anything at all. I just thought that’s what you did, right? Meet men. Have sex. Have some fun. Move on. For some people - yep, absolutely. But I was sooooo naive and learnt that for me, to enjoy this world of non monogamy and give my body to someone - I needed to have connection. So, your question about what do you do when you are very attracted to someone… well, be attracted to them! We are human, we aren’t robots - and we tend to feel emotions deeply (especially as women). But remind yourself what it is you really want. If it’s a time of discovering who you are, now that you’re out of a 20 year marriage, then decide to put some boundaries in place if it’s going to help you feel a little more protected from feelings you might develop. You’ve mentioned that the men you’re meeting are just after NSA, casual sex - no messaging etc. I assure you, there are wonderful men here who are after the same thing as you are. They are definitely harder to find, but don’t lower your standards if you’re not getting what you’re after because between the filth we see here at times, there’s genuinely some great men. Don’t be scared of it, but just remind yourself of what it is you really want and why you started exploring this lifestyle in the first place. My DM’s are always open for a chat! ❤️

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  Felicitous

  23 hours ago

  Beautifully expressed 🩷🥰

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